Sometimes my inner critic’s voice gets stuck at volume level 20. On these moments it will keep repeating itself until it succeeds in convincing me that it’s is right.

Try harder, think harder, you can’t do it, who do you think you are, who is waiting for you and your input, why should you know best? You did realize nothing has worked out yet right?, and nothing ever will, you most probably fail in most other things, why should it work out, it will not work out at all, just stop now, safe face.

Everyone can be critical of themselves. Most of the time, you can see the joke and you can still laugh about it yourself, you shrug your shoulders and assume it will go away.

But sometimes … you are blown away by the storm. But if you are unable to resist, to show otherwise, you disappear into the whirlwind. You will cling to negative conditioning that feels familiar.

The pain and uncertainty ensure you no longer expect anything from yourself, This is it, there is nothing more, you don’t see the potential in you, and you are certain nobody will see it in you.

There is nothing left but to just lie down and let the storm sweep over you. Maybe you will disappear …

Don’t get me wrong, wallowing is allowed, everyone is entitled to a little self-pity. But there is a time for wallowing and a time when you have to kick yourself in the butt. Time to realize that you can choose how you look at YOU.
That the cause of getting stuck is not done to me, but can mean something to me.

And now we are in the choosing mode, I choose to see myself as the storm, and use the force behind it for the better, I am a whirlwind, sometimes unexpected, and sometimes from an unexpected angle, that has an impact, wipes clean, shakes and rattles until the heavy stuff falls out.

And so I choose to trust my personal strength, which guides me where I need to be.
And that this voice, chattering in my ear on volume 20, gives me a sign that I need to put myself out there even more.

Wish me luck, watch me go, I am the storm

 

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