You have probably heard of a family constellation, but what is it exactly?
Is it only about your family? Do you have to bring them too? Are we going to dig into family history? what if i don’t know my family? Or if they are no longer alive?
A brief explanation of working with family systems might be useful. So here we go, in my own words….
We are all part of multiple systems, your family, at school, in the office, at the football club and in your neighborhood. In every system you have a place, a role, a position. The helper, the support, the proactive, the patient one. If someone drops out of the group, leaves the group, the group picks up, sometimes someone joins, sometimes not, some roles shift and it continues. The system is always looking for balance.
Does this sound familiar? After 20 your reunite with your old friends. Strangely enough it’s like nothing changed and you have traveleed back in time. Everyone automatically takes the same role in this system (or is assigned it). Peter who always takes sides, Josefien takes care of everyone, Martin is still the target of all jokes. And this while everyone is now well over 40 with a serious jobs and sometimes ditto family. Where they really play a different part. Bizarre, but that’s how the system works.
Or when you and your siblings visit your parents, in theit home, you will find thart old family dynamic is back in a second. Your mother thinks you are irresponsible, while in daily life you manage a team of 500 people. You brother gets away with everything, and you feel like a little girl or boy again.
The basis of all systems and thus the most important one, is your family of origin, your parents, your brothers and sisters, etc. In this system you are not exchangeable, you have a fixed place, and no one can take it away from you. You are entitled to that place. In families condiotioning takes place, resulting in patterns that can sometimes be passed on for generations. These patterns can bother you in life. Secrets, survival strategies, fears, trauma. Other patterns you can benefit greatly from, you can use them in your current life. Strength, courage, guts, curiosity. You carry it all with you and transfer it to your own children. It is up to you to make the choice as to what you will and will not give to your children. But then you have to become aware of what you are carrying.
It remains a bit magical and unclear such a family constellation. And actually, it is.
But I can explain how I work.
When you visit me, we have a short conversation. In this conversation we get to know each other and you discuss what you are currently facing.
This can really be anything: you are alway numbber two at job applications , you enthusiastically start a new project, but it keeps getting stuck, at work it seems as if the same types are gathering around you to prevent you from being seen and recognized, you have finally stopped working but cannot enjoy doing nothing, you have physical problems, you really want to do something for yourself but it seems as if everyone in your environment is holding you back, you keep falling for the same type of lover (which really doesn’t suit you). The purpose of this conversation is to simplify your question. Stripped of all stories.
What is hindering me, why does it not flow, why do some situations repeat themselves.
So far so good, no family has been involved yet.
During this conversation we write down a number of key words that come to heart. We may use these later in the session.
And then it starts.
I really love to work with notes. These notes contain words or names of people related to your question. We use these notes with emotions, situations and names to make contact with the energy field surrounding it. Like anchorpoints And how it moves you, how you react to it.
WNow you can map out your current situation on the floor, using the notes.
For example, you can start with ME or your own name, the current situation and the desired situation (desire). You choose whether the words or the people (written on the notes) are close or far away from you, and how they relate to each other. That may sound crazy, why, what difference does it make, I don’t know, do I?
And yet, every person who has done a constellation knows from experience that where you put the notes can make a huge difference to how you feel.
By stepping on to the different pieces of paper and relaxing, you literally step into the energy field of the words and people, and you can feel how they relate to each other and to you.
Well, and that’s where the vague and magic begins. Here my role becomes the tour guide and your role the experience expert who takes me to the most special places and who gets more insight into the big picture with every step.
Is the problem solved after the setup? Will I get that job? that relationship? that house?
And constellartion ensures that things that need to be seen are seen, so that you can get started with them. Free from stories and conditioning (I can’t do it myself, I’m just not that smart, I’m no goodwith money, my parents have always been that way), but purely from the energy of the field.
And when will that family be discussed?
Sometimes not at all, and sometimes right at the beginning. Sometimes they volunteer to reveal their strengthening properties, sometimes they shine a light on a secret that has been hidden for too long. Sometimes they show us in what way they stand or stood in the family system (and in their own system), sometimes an insight emerges that is what you always thought it was, or something that might be very different.
So, and now you really have to experience it yourself. What do you bring with you?
A question? You can, you don’t have to
Open mind for whatever may come? Yes, absolutely.
Your subconscious knows exactly where it wants to go, and if your gut says YES now, you know what to do.